SuperDads

In the no-obligation, pre-contract meeting I hold with couples, fathers often ask questions about how my role in labor support differs from their role in labor support. Most of the time, fathers’ concerns are eased when I tell them that I offer them support, too. Like most of the mothers I work for, the fathers have never seen a birth before, either on video or live, and they like knowing that they have someone with experience to guide them; they also like knowing that it’s okay to take a break during labor – even though their wives generally don’t get one. But I also like to tell them that I know my place in a labor, and while I may know where to lay my hand on their wives’ bodies, or I can guess a better-than-ballpark estimate about dilation, there is no way I can replicate the intimate knowledge, safety, and support of a life partner. And even though they aren’t the ones in labor, this moment also belongs to them, as fathers who are witnesses to the one birth of this one child.

I’ve seen fathers:

Guide their wives seamlessly through one relaxing breath and into another
Mop hot foreheads with ice cold water
Sit in a shower with their laboring wives
Sit in a shower with their laboring and vomiting wives

I’ve seen fathers:

Whisper in their wives’ ears a small detail that only they would know, like a walk on a past vacation, or the time this baby was conceived, or the name of this baby once he or she will be born
Stretch out their sore fingers and cramped hands, just before going back to massage that one, hard-to-find spot on their wives’ backs
Crack a joke that truly wasn’t funny, but his wife appreciated his sense of timing and that he knew she’d laugh anyway, and a laugh is exactly what everyone needed
Catch their babies as they emerge from the mothers’ bodies
Cradle a newborn baby and put their arms around their wives, encircling their brand new family

I’ve seen fathers:

Wide-eyed and marveled by the superhuman strength and endurance of a woman in labor
Wide-eyed and terrified, but bravely holding their wives’ hands with certainty
Wide-eyed, marveled and terrified, by the tenacious grip of their minutes’ old baby’s fist around their own fingertip
Weep with gratitude, relief, pride, and love.

Happy Fathers Day to all the men I’ve had the honor to watch become fathers.

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